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Monday, December 06, 2004
I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
Well if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go
it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, for photographs your boyfriend took.
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the scond floor?
I'm not okay. I'm not, okay. I'm not okay, you wear me out.
What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay) I told you time and time again you sing the words (I'm not okay),
but don't know what it means to be a joke and look another line without a hook.
I held you close as we both shook.
For the last time, take a good hard look.
I'm not okay. I'm not, okay. I'm not okay, you wear me out.
Forget about the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took.
You said you read me like a book, well the pages all are torn and frayed out.
I'm okay, I'm o-kay.
I' m okay now (I'm okay now).
But you really didn't listen to me because I'm telling you the truth,
I mean this I'm okay- trust me.
I'm not okay. I'm not okay.
Well, I'm not okay, I'm not o' fucking kay.
I'm not okay. I'm not okay (okay).
My Chemical Romance
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Monday, November 01, 2004
i am the past you want to regret.
but you never gave the past the pay of your debts.
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Saturday, October 23, 2004
adrenaline
1 a.m and the hallways are empty
the green tinted lens rolls off my eyes
and i'm paralysed
a paroxysm, an uncontrollable itch
narcoleptic, hedonistic, running on adrenaline.
i jumped down the stairs, with a jingle in my hand.
i had one thumb on the wheel
cigarette's burning; life's a shadow
whisked off as the day's energies are ebbed away.
played the songs we all loved, pitched to the top,
(i haven't had it like that for over years.)
floor to the wall, pedal to the metal
i could almost see my breath wisp pass me.
my head's pressed to the seat cushion;
my back is depressed to the seat.
'life's no big deal.'
i wish i said that that night.
i moved on and on
i had no idea where the hell i was
maybe to hell i am going
but its no difference when adrenaline's the drug
like amphtemines and jelly beans.
and
i
stopped.
suddenly.
expectedly,
and unexpectedly.
i lurched forward, seatbelt catching me
before i stabbed through to the verdant greens.
felt around, was still in the seat.
exhaled. and a murmur, or a sigh, or a cry
i couldn't really tell anymore.
all i knew
the adrenaline is gone.
away.
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Monday, October 04, 2004
narcoleptic, neoplastic,
nausea tumult in necrosis
narcissistic, nihilistic
nascent and kicking, jackie onassis.
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i don't love the drugs
but the drugs love me.
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Sunday, September 26, 2004
Five vicodin chased with a shot of clarity
After all this time of asking questions
Of trying to find something to quiet this soul
I'm left alone within my mind into this self-made hell I delve
It's not as hot as you think
More so dark and cold with no room to breathe
I'm sorry I don't think it's going to be ok this time
My heart has skipped its final beat
It's beating me down onto the floor
That must mean that the pills are working
The glass isn't half empty this time
I smashed it on the ground a long time ago
It shattered when it fell
And I broke to pieces
Each shard's another reason
Another way to give up
This skin is so tight that the air can't reach my brain
There is nothing telling my heart to beat any faster
To let me scream for help
I will never give up
I will never take the easy way out
This is life
This is struggle
This is love
This is war
Ateryu
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Sunday, September 19, 2004
perfection through silence.
this story is old only to those who have grown cold. and we are buying only truths that turns out to be silence.
the stillness of it all. did you realise that? that nothing has changed. but it's alright, we're not worse off.
fold the corners, break the silence.
what am i supposed to do?
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
i think there should be something more to this.
please speak tersely.
because.
i.
want.
to.
know.
my dear.
what.
the dusk.
of.
that day.
brought.
but now.
that
is
all.
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